Courage & Gratitude
by KiannaKitter
Summary: Blaine confesses to Burt he cheated on his son, before telling Kurt. The idea came to me after watching Glee Actually and I found it weird that Burt and Blaine seemed so okay with each other after the whole cheating scandal. Which made me believe that some sort of heart to heart between them had to have occured off screen and I really wanted to see such a conversation.


Blaine was a nervous wreck as he pulled up to the Hummel-Hudson household. He knew he had to do this, but he really didn't want to. He parked the car, but didn't move. He didn't even turn off the engine. Instead he turned up the radio while trying to find the courage to do what was inevitable. The voice of reason sounded in his head.

___Come on. He is sure to find out sooner or later and it's better that he hears it from you._

Where had that voice been when he really needed it? Where was it that day? In the moment of weakness where he had ruined everything that mattered in his life. The day he had hooked up with a stranger named Eli and in mere seconds had destroyed what he and Kurt had spent over a year building?

He could see the truck in the driveway, which meant that Kurt's father was home and Blaine was scared. Terrified actually. He knew Burt wouldn't physically hurt him, but he would be angry, he would probably throw him out of his house and tell him to never set foot there again and Blaine wouldn't blame him. He didn't deserve any better. But the worst would be the disappointment. He had come to view Burt Hummel as a kind of surrogate dad and the thought of disappointing him was tearing him apart on the inside. He dreaded it almost as much as telling Kurt what he'd done. He was going to lose not only his boyfriend, who was the love of his life, but also the only father figure he had ever really known.

Blaine was flying out to New York the next day to see Kurt. The ticket was booked. Because he had to tell him in person, face to face - he owed him that much. But the thought made him sick to his stomach. He could imagine Kurt's reaction too vividly. First the disbelief, then the hurt, followed by the anger, before the tears hit. Or maybe the tears would come first? He wasn't sure. He just wished more than anything that he wouldn't have to find out. That he somehow could travel back in time and undo everything.

A part of him wondered if he wasn't doing this right now to hold himself accountable. Because he didn't truly trust himself to go through with it, with telling Kurt the truth, unless he knew Kurt would find out one way or the other.

___You are such a coward. Where do you come off telling anyone to have courage?_

He sighed, leaned over the steering wheel and buried his face in his hands. Suddenly he had a strong urge to run his fingers through his hair, but it was gelled so tightly together that doing so would only result in unfixable messy hair and sticky fingers. His hair was like a fucking helmet. Actually, his whole appearance was like a suit of armour shielding him from the rest of the world. This well-groomed preppy "uniform" he had created; the tight pants, the polo shirts, the goddamn bow ties he had only recently abandoned after the advice of Sam, it was all camouflage. It was no different than the Dalton blazer that he used to hide behind.

He was able to put on a brave front, but nothing had really changed since the attack. He was still the same broken boy who couldn't stand being alone, who needed constant reassurance - be it in friendship, relationships or applause and yet wasn't able to share those feelings with anyone. Not the therapist he was assigned after the beating, not his brother, especially not his parents and not even Kurt. He had demanded Kurt come to him with his feelings, but how could he expect something from others that he couldn't give himself? Especially a boyfriend.

___"Then talk to me, tell me that you're unhappy, but don't cheat on me."_

His own words hit him hard and he felt like such a hypocrite more than ever.

Deep in thought he had almost forgottenthe radio was on when he suddenly recognised the song playing. But by then it was too late to turn it off, he got swallowed up by it. Pink's haunting voice filled the car and he sucked in a deep breath.

******"Made a wrong turn, once or twice. **  
******Dug my way out, blood and fire. **  
******Bad desicions, that's alright. **  
******Welcome to my silly life."**

He felt like the wind had been knocked out of him. It was their song. They had sung it together too many times to count, they even sang it to Santana in the choir room that one time. The memory hit him like a sledgehammer. He literally felt like passing out.

Kurt had been beaming that day. So eager to help his friend. And at the same time prepaired for rejection and the hard backlash of Santana's sharp tongue. But the song had been perfect, Kurt had been perfect. Even if he had worn that weird half of a sweater thing that only Kurt Hummel could make look good. He himself had been decent, Blaine had been well aware that pulling off rapping while wearing a bow tie was a difficult task.

******"Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel, like your less than fucking perfect..."**

___Yeah...I do. Right about now actually._

Those lyrics had never been more true, how did Pink know his life? He turned off the radio, he had to...but regretted it almost immediately. The silence was deafening. His own screaming thoughts now too loud in his head.

___How could you do this?_  
___What are you gonna tell him?_  
___More importantly, how are you gonna tell him?_

Just as he was contemplating cutting off his own head to escape the relentless voice following him, his phone beeped and he jumped in his seat.

"Shit!"

He reached for his pocket, pulled out his phone and then stared at the message in shock.

******From Burt:**  
Are you gonna sit out there all night or are you coming in?

He was busted, there was no way out of it now. He looked in the direction of the house and could make out a figure in the window. Burt was waving, he reluctantly waved back and turned off the engine. This was going be the hardest thing he had ever done. And as he walked to the door he became more and more aware of the fact that he had no idea what he was going to say. Not that he expected it to be a very long conversation.

The door opened before he reached it and then there was Burt, smiling...pulling him in for a hug before he could even react and Blaine was in hell, he felt absolutely horrible and he silently thanked the powers that be, that Burt couldn't see his face.

"It's good to see you". Burt sounded so sincerely happy to see him, which only tripled the guilt already building inside of Blaine.

"Yeah, you too", he managed to get out in a bit of a strained voice.

After what seemed liked forever Burt let go and by that time Blaine had composed himself again. He'd put on the smiling mask that he found disarmed most people and accepted when Burt invited him inside like nothing was wrong. Like his world wasn't falling apart. Like he hadn't just cheated on the son of the man inwhose house he was standing in right now. It was at that point he realised that he wasn't sure he would do this, that he could do this?

"You want something to drink?" Burt asked and Blaine nodded.

"Sure, thanks".

"No problem".

He placed himself on the couch while Burt went to the kitchen and came back shortly after with a beer and a soda. He handed Blaine the soda and sat down in the chair opposite the couch where he continued to look expectantly at Blaine who in return fidgeted just a little too long with opening the can. He didn't look up but he could feel Burt's gaze on him like a hawk. The silence was strange, the tension that resulted from it even worse. Blaine hated it. He had always been able to talk to Burt, even about sensitive subjects. One conversation in particular before he and Kurt even got together came to mind and there was that voice again, echoing his own words.

___"I'm blown away by you guys' relationship. I don't have the relationship with my dad that you have with Kurt."_

Once again he felt the sting of loss. The loss of the relationship he had built with Burt. As well as a little bit of jealousy. Because even if their relationship would never be close to what Kurt shared with Burt and naturally it wouldn't, it was still way more special than any connection Blaine had ever had with his own flesh and blood.

He decided to break the awkward silence.

"So. Where's Carol?"

"Dinner and a movie with her sister."

"Oh."

There was a pause, then he heard Burt sigh.

"What's wrong buddy?"

"What do you mean?" Blaine tried for innocent, but Burt wasn't buying it.

"Don't pretend you have no idea what I'm taking about. I think I know you well enough to know when somethings up. Besides...you sitting in your car slumped over the steering wheel like your world was coming to an end kinda gave it away."

When Blaine looked up to meet Burt's gaze there were tears in his eyes.

"I messed up, Burt."

"Messed up how?"

"I'm afraid to tell you."

"That bad, huh? Look whatever it is...I'm sure it'll be...".

"Don't...don't say 'fine'. Because it won't".

Blaine suddenly felt trapped on the couch so he stood and started pacing back and forth in the same spot. Burt looked on with surprise and growing concern. Blaine was falling apart in front of him, literally and that was new. He was usually so dapper and put together.

"Does this have anything to do with Kurt?" Burt asked.

"It has everything to do with Kurt."

Blaine continued pacing, nervous energy radiating off of him and it was driving Burt insane.

"Look Blaine, could you just sit down...if you two are having problems...?"

"I don't think I can Burt, I feel like I need to move. That if I stop moving I will lose my mind...".

Then Burt was just there by his side holding him in place, hands on his shoulders.

"Sit. Down. Son." Burt's voice was firm but his eyes kind.

Blaine snapped out of it right away. That word. ___Son._

"Now tell me what's wrong. Is Kurt okay?"

"So far...".

"What do you mean... 'so far'?" Now Burt was alarmed.

"I did something...I never meant for it to happen...and I love Kurt, I love him so much. I am so sorry Burt, I'm so so sorry." Blaine knew he was rambling but he couldn't stop himself.

"What did you do? Blaine, tell me."

"I cheated on Kurt." It was barely a whisper and Burt let go of him immediately. Blaine quickly looked down, too ashamed to face the man he respected more than his own father.

And there it was. The truth. Loud and ugly. Filling the room like a poisonous gas about to choke them both. Nothing was said for what could have been five minutes or five hours, Blaine wasn't sure. He just sat there bracing himself for the wave of anger about to hit him. But it never came. Instead Burt took him by surprise.

"Does Kurt know?" Was all he said.

"Um...what?" Blaine forced himself to look up but Burt's expression was unreadable.

"Did you tell Kurt yet?" Burt tried again.

"Um. No, I'm flying to New York tomorrow to do it."

"Good."

Burt went back to his chair and sat down, leaving Blaine on the floor and finished the rest of his beer in one breath. Blaine wasn't sure what to do so he just stood there nailed to the ground. But he was so taken aback by Burt's reaction or lack of reaction, that he had to ask.

"That's all you have to say?" Blaine said, warily. But Burt lifted a finger to stop him.

"Look kid, I like you. But I wouldn't talk to me right now."

Burt Hummel stood again, went straight to the fridge in a hurry and returned, this time with a whole six pack. He opened one, drank it in one go and then opened another. Blaine didn't think it was a good sign. But he could see Burt working something out in his mind and didn't dare say a word. After two more beers Burt finally sighed loudly and Blaine knew he was about to speak.

"How exactly did you expect me to react?" Burt asked looking Blane up and down.

"I...I don't know?" Blaine stammered. "Maybe...yell at me?" Blaine didn't know what else to say, he hadn't been prepaired for "calm Burt".

"Trust me. I want to. I really want to. But what good would that do? What's done is done and I would just give myself another heart attack." He took a sip of his beer and continued. "Look Blaine, I know you are one of the good guys. I've always known that and I know you love my son. It's been clear to me from the start that you two have something rare."

"But?" Blaine was still standing, waiting, trying to access Burt and failing miserably.

"But...I also know that you are both very young and relationships are hard, even when you live in the same town, let alone on different sides of the country."

"Are you saying this was bound to happen?" Blaine couldn't believe his ears.

"No. I'm saying that distance is hard. Even for the strongest of relationships. And that I have lived long enough to know that these things aren't black and white."

The relief and surprise washing over Blaine in that moment was so overwhelming, that the tears just welled up and ran down his cheeks. Burt understood. Maybe there was hope, maybe he wasn't going to lose everything after all? And then it all came pouring out.

"I don't know what happened. We were happy, he was everything I ever wanted. He still is. But since he went to New York I've been feeling left behind, it felt like he was drifting further and further away from me. Like...slowly...he was leaving me. Moving on with his life. I needed him here and I regretted pushing him to leave in the first place. I tried to tell him. I did. But I didn't know how. I was just so alone and then suddenly there was this guy and the lighthouse, that damn lighthouse...and he made me question my life and my relationship with Kurt and how I felt about it all and in one tiny moment I ruined everything."

Blaine wiped his tears on his sleeves and fell to the floor, leaning up against the couch. Then he ran his fingers through his helmet hair, gel and curls be damned.

"Okay Blaine, stop. Stop. I am not gonna pretend I know what the lighthouse is all about, and I am not gonna lie and say I am not both disappointed in you and mad at you, for what you are about to put my son through...".

"Burt...I...". Blaine tried.

"Hold on. I wasn't finished. What I was gonna say is this. Up until this point you have been the perfect son in law, you made my son happier than I've seen him since his mother was alive and I'm grateful for that. So I am not gonna judge you by one error in judgement, it doesn't define you as long as you learn from it, because everyone makes mistakes, it's how we deal with them that defines us and I think it says a lot about your character that you came here today and owned up to your actions."

"I don't quite see it that way...", he responded.

"I know you don't, but that's just another thing that makes if even more impressive that you came to me. Look, for as long as I've known you, you have had this shield around you. Others may not see it, but I do. You walk around in a bubble of perfect composure and you won't let anyone all the way inside, not even Kurt. You need to work on that. And until you do, I don't want you together with my son."

"But...". Blaine tried to argue but Burt cut him off.

"I'm not asking here Blaine. Until you work on these issues it will only happen again and let me be very clear about something, if you ever hurt my boy like this again, we will not be having a repeat of this conversation. It will probably go a lot more like you imagined in your head."

Blaine knew better than to fight Burt on this, especially because he was right and it would be foolish to challenge him. Instead he told the truth, because he needed Burt to hear it.

"I never meant to hurt him, Burt. I swear." He pulled his knees up against his chest trying to comfort himself. Blaine was pretty sure he had that "sad puppy dog" look as Kurt and Rachel called it, on his face which made him feel pathetic and judging by the fact that Burt was now offering him tissues like he expected him to break down again at any moment, suggested he was right.

"I believe you". Burt opened another beer and adjusted his cap slightly.

"So what do I do?" Blaine was almost begging and he knew it.

"You fly to New York and you tell my son that you made a mistake".

"He'll never forgive me." Blaine wanted more than anything for Burt to object to that statement, but he didn't.

"I can't tell you if you're right, but I know my son and I know that he loves you. And I also know that nothing in this world worth having comes easy."

"Are you telling me to fight for him?"

"I'm telling you to give him some time afterwards. But I am not gonna lie, it's going to be difficult. He is not gonna wanna forgive you."

Blaine processed that. Time. He could do that.

"I would wait for him, forever."

"Ya know. I don't doubt that for a second." Burt said matter of factly.

The silence feel upon them again, but this time it was a little more durable. They seemed okay? But maybe that was just the five beers Burt had consumed. Though, somehow Blaine knew it wasn't. This was just Burt Hummel. The best man Blaine had ever known.

"I better leave." He said once it became clear that Burt has said all he intended to say.

"Okay". Burt walked him to the door and Blaine turned to face him.

"Listen, Burt. Thank you. You didn't have to be so understanding about this. I am sure no one would have blamed you if you had kicked me out...".

"Well, that's not the kind of guy I am." He paused for just a second. "But I hope you know that even though I can give you advice, I can't take your side in this? My loyalty lies with Kurt and I will respect his wishes, even if it means cutting you out."

"I never expected anything else."

"Alright."

There was no hug as he left, just a pat on the back, but he would take anything Burt was willing to give at this point, he had already exceeded his wildest expectations. Then as he walked to his car his phone buzzed.

******From Burt:**  
Courage.

That stopped him right in his tracks. Had Kurt told Burt about that? If so he had never said anything, but somehow it wouldn't really surprise him if he had, because Kurt told his dad pretty much everything. Blaine was well aware of that. He looked at the screen for a second, then typed in the first thing that came to mind. A single word that seemed to emcompass what he was feeling in that moment.

******From Blaine:**  
Gratitude.


End file.
